Rightness

Peace, a state of tranquility or stillness, is what I am feeling now. To be truthful I feel like there are still a dozen things that I need to get done, but really on the whole they are not that pressing, I am only missing myself-diagnosed deadlines and no one else's.

Currently I am sitting in Nashville, the city I has called home for eight years and said good-bye to this August when I started graduate school in New Jersey. I have a mug of hot chocolate which has been a frequent companion of mine this wintery season. I have already had a full two days since I rolled into town. I love how it just seems so easy to reappear here as if I haven't even left. Driving around town a bit more I do notice changes, new stores there, a building torn down here and other consturuction everywhere else. Seeing these changes hurts a little because it is the evidence that life keeps moving forward with or without you.

Today, I spent the afternoon with one of my dear young friends who I have loved and cared for since she was eight. We took a walk down the street and to the school on the corner. The day was beautiful for December, sunny and warmer than it should be. We skipped and jumped and looked at leaves and nuts on the ground. My favorite is spinning in circles and I would sing to her and she just smiles and sometimes covers her ears when I am a little off.

I was catching up on one blog that I am attempting to follow and there was an entry on being childlike and today I felt like I did a good job of that, more so than maybe I have been since leaving. I knew it in my heart and thought what a great joy to skip and jump with someone who loves it just as much and doesn't care what others who pass by are thinking.

Here is a segment from Leo and his blog that stuck out to me:

Consider: as children, we are naturally imaginative, curious, able to play without a worry in our minds. Some qualities of young children that happen naturally:

• they live in the present
• they have no concerns about money, productivity, or being cool
• there are no limits to their imagination, except what they’ve been exposed to
• they play and lose themselves in play
• they create with abandon
• they are endlessly curious, and ask questions … without end
• they love showing off to their parents

I hope to have many more moments to express childlike joy, there is freedom in letting yourself go.

Picture happy

Fog on this morning's run. I could feel it on my face as if I was running through the produce section at the grocer's or a butterfly house. I was stopped by a gentleman that I had seen last week. We walked and talked for about a half mile. It disrupted my run but I didn't mind. He's living off disability in some apartments where Cheryl said there have been a few homicides. This man is waiting for a settlement check from his former apartment complex where a faulty handrail lead to his being disabled.

For my birthday (over a month and a half ago) Erin gave me an iTunes gift card, the second I have ever received. I just used that thing and bought the Hipstamatic app for my phone, which I love love love! Here are some pics I took over the weekend.







































I think I found my fireplace at Jersey Java. I've been wanting to find somewhere with a good fireplace that was in use! We have one at the house but it's been cemented in so it mocks me, looking inviting but in no way will it be holding a fire. There was also cool lighting inside too.





Tomorrow I am proud to say that I will be reporting for work at D.U.E. Season Charter School. I will be helping with the after school tutoring. It's not much money but since my work study has still failed to finalize and I just don't have the time or authority to make it happen, I had to look elsewhere. Here's to adventure tomorrow!

Calm before the storm

It's November 11th and Veteran's Day, which means my internship office is closed and I am having a mini-holiday right now. I made it through mid-terms without too much stress. I did however have to run to one class with my just printed mid-term clutched in my hands in order to make it to class on time. I don't want to do that again! I made good grades on them all so I am relatively pleased with myself. Long ago I abandoned my ability to get all A's, for the most part no matter how hard I try it just doesn't happen. So I am thrilled to be getting the A's I have seen and the few B's sprinkled in along the way. I have reconfirmed to myself that I am not a scholar, I just don't get excited about reading and discovering a certain topic. Maybe you could say I once was about the American fast food and food systems, but not as much any more. I am just not one to spout off knowledge about the things I know or believe. I recently felt ashamed when my favorite professor asked me what I was passionate about (trying to get me to focus my research paper) and all I wanted to say was nothing. I know if my dad reads this he can tell me "told ya so" at Christmas, sorry. I am seeing this degree as more as a means to a better job than any other overarching self fulfillment type situation, though I will be proud of myself when this is all said and done.

The end of this semester is approaching and I have two small papers and two large papers left to do. Not so bad except that research eats up a lot of time. One paper is my choosing (that passion one) and I guess I have settled on international cattle trade/industry. Can't say I am super excited or that I have discovered anything really new. It's similar to the American system just in other countries that are poorer. The one for budgeting is this long thing looking at budgets in various states. I picked Georgia. Not super thrilled about this one but it's gotta get done.

Well, that's the state of affairs concerning school right now. I've felt absurdly at peace the past few days even though I know there is more work I should be doing. By the time I get home from class at 9pm I just don't want to do any more work. That will have to change soon even if I don't feel like it.

Last weekend I ran a 10k over the Benjamin Franklin Bridge and around Camden. It was fun, though doing it by yourself isn't really fun. There were over 4,000 other people with me but I didn't know any of them. They had run out of my shirt size but they gave everyone a medal at the end, which made up for it. I wore the thing the rest of that day.

Tumble, jumble, another year

My bike and the Ben Franklin
All that is left
Lori watching the fireworks after our visit to the symphony


I am writing from Boston, MA after a long and harrowing car trip. It started off with me rear-ending probably the nicest guy out there. At one point he told me that he was sorry, maybe that was due to the fact that I mentioned it was my birthday yesterday, but you know... It wasn't a bad accident. He was stopped and I moved to the gas before looking again to make sure he had already gone, whoops! I am just now coming to terms with the fact that maybe I shouldn't drive anymore. I am just not careful enough on the road. I want to get where I am going as soon as I can with the lest amount of resistance. If I can make it through this year then I won't have to worry about a car for two years.

Oh, and my bike got stolen in Philadelphia last Saturday. I biked over the Ben Franklin bridge to see Lori and spend the night. Biking in Philly was a little much for me since it was the biggest city that I had tried to maneuver in before. There were a few times that I needed to be turning down a certain street, but me physically trying to get there would be a death sentence. So I went in a few large circles. I didn't die though and I eventually found Lori's place after stopping and getting some final directions from her roommate. The bike got stolen near the Italian Market and what kills me is that it was totally my oversight. I didn't lock the thing up right and we were gone for maybe 45mins and that's all it took. Just my front wheel and lock left. I felt terrible because Lori had to push her bike around for the rest of the afternoon. I almost had a breakthrough when the police called on Thursday saying they were so sure they had my bike. I jumped in the car and drove over to the station, but alas it wasn't mine. I was ok with it not being my bike simply because the cops called me, they were looking for my bike. Also, when I said it wasn't mine they seemed so crushed. I was happy enough that the system was working for me when I though it would just over look me.

Let's talk about water ice. I had never heard of such a thing before landing in Camden. It's flavored ice with custard or soft serve underneath or in layers. I was skeptical at first because I didn't want it to be like a snow cone or Italian ice. If my words can convince you in anyway, it's not like either of those two treats. Water ice is amazing! I have been twice and the first time I got chocolate water ice and coffee soft serve. So good! Pretty soon water ice shops will close down for the fall/winter.



Also, there is an endless pool at school. You know, it has one of those machines in it that produces a current that you swim against. There's a crank where you can speed it up or slow it down. The weird part is that there is a mirror in the bottom of the pool angled up to face you. That freaked me out big time. In fact it took two rounds of swimming in the pool before I got over the fact of having to watch myself swim. I guess I could try it with my eyes closed but that seems weird to me. I can say that the mirror has helped to correct my stroke, I don't look like some spaz now and I feel like I could LOOK like I would pass for the Olympics. I also can't help thinking that the mirror makes me look as if I am trying to swim away from some terrible monster that is trying to get me.

Oh and it was my birthday on Thursday so now I am 28. So far I don't feel any different. Normally I don't, but when I turned 20 I felt weird not saying something-teen. My house was kind enough to make me strawberry shortcake, tater-tots and green beans on request. They also served me this delightful food on a happy birthday plate and I drank from a happy birthday mug. So Happy Birthday to me, let the next year keep plodding along.


Philly mural, coffee break and almond-chocolate chip muffin mix

We do things different

My mom was in the bathroom when I heard a gasp. Crap, I thought, maybe she saw a roach or even worse a mouse! "What's wrong?" I asked. "Your sink, it's not finished." Oh, was that it? "Yeah." "Well, is it going to get finished any time soon?" "No...we use the gray water from it." "Oh" she said, sounding less than pleased.

Yes, the water from the sink in my bathroom goes straight into a bucket underneath. Once the level in the bucket reaches a certain height the water is used to flush the toilet. That means we don't flush every time we use the facilities. That might be gross to some, but I had some practice at Gabe's house this summer and at Polestar. We are also encouraged to use less water while showering. This could take the form of bucket washing, where you fill a bucket of water up and use a little cup to wet yourself and rinse (I have not made it to this level yet). In the third floor shower (the shower I use) we turn the water off while soaping up and then back on for the final rise. Not sure if I will be able to pull this off in winter, I have a fear of freezing in place. There used to be a bucket in the shower that would capture water while we were waiting for it to get warm, but the bucket has since disappeared and I haven't gone looking for it yet.

There are laundry lines outside of the house in the backyard and also zig-zagging across the front sitting room. These are used to dry clothes after washing (obviously). There is a dryer here at the house, but it is more energy efficient to use the lines. I think drying my clothes outside is actually faster than in the machine. I haven't officially timed it yet so don't quote me, I don't want to be held liable. It certainly makes my clothes crispy though. There should be a campaign to put softener in the air so that my clothes are softer when they dry outside, thus undoing the environmental benefits of air drying my clothes!

What else do we do different (from the average house hold)? We compost our vegetation scraps (and egg shells and the nectar of the gods, coffee). Our composter is a deep freeze, not my first choice but I guess it works. Dealing with the composter is not my chore and I have no motivation (as of right now) to rally everyone to change the composting device. Our produce comes from the local farmers market (I was informed two weeks ago that most of the produce is not organic, sigh) and our dairy (well not the yogurt) is also local. Ah yes, we drink raw milk (sorry parents). So far it hasn't killed me, but if that's what does me in I'll make sure you all know. I did promise my mom as she was leaving after Labor Day Weekend that, "cross my heart I would not die, I would fight for life." That was mainly in reference to the seedy company that sits outside our front steps most of the day drinking and doing drugs. Back to the food, we hardly have any packaged food (mostly the sauces and condiments and the yogurt) and we make our own tortillas. Oh, there's no air conditioning, which is no longer an issue, but there is heat (praise God). We take our shoes off at the door to cut down on dirt in the house. So not a bad way of living really. The only thing I would do different is save less stuff, there is a lot of miscellaneous items around the place that I am sure could find a better home.

On a side note, I am missing Nashville like crazy. I miss my friends, church, places I would go. I don't regret moving here or choosing to go to school, I just wish I could have both. In the end I know moving here is right and a good change for me. I just haven't had the need to feel homesick and so of course it's a shock to my system. As always I also struggle with the fact that I have no money. My biggest complaint that I dealt with this summer and continue now is why does it cost money to be friends with people? I was thinking about it this morning some more. In your adult life entertainment focuses around things that cost money - let's go out to eat, how about a movie, what about that show tonight? When I was a child you just played in the back yard, watched a movie at home or played a board game. Why can't we as adults do that now? Suggest something like that and eventually you are labeled as boring. It's not that I don't want to go out and do things (I love to! Let's have another cup of coffee), it's just that I can't, especially not three times a week (at a minimum). I am kina excited that Lori now lives over in Philly and has no job. So now I have someone I can be cheap with. I have to figure out how to ride my bike across to the other side. That is my near future goal.

PS: Read this article it made me sad...http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/21/world/asia/21gender.html.

What's in a name?

While my computer and phone (the glorious iPhone4 is causing problems, who knew!!) are syncing I thought it would be a good time for Internet diversion, so here's an update!

I have successfully been to all my classes once! The week was a little chopped up because of Labor Day Weekend, but now it is full steam ahead! I can confirm my previous thoughts that this masters' degree thing is going to be a lot of work. I think mainly a lot of reading. Using my time wisely will definitely be something I will have to keep my finger on! Not only do I have class, but my program requires an internship and I have signed up for work study. Some how they will all fit in, like clowns in a car. I think I'll be setting my alarm clock soon. I haven't had to yet because all of my classes are in the afternoon or at night.

Here are my classes:

Fundamentals of Policy Analysis
Law and Public Policy
Public Budgeting and Finance
International Community Development
International Economic Development

At first glance I think I'm going to like all of my classes, ask me again when I have to start writings papers and taking tests. Each professor is likable, but with their own set of quirks. Take today's professor, suit and tie but wearing crocks. I told him that I LOVED his shoe choice for today's outfit. He was ecstatic and I gave a big grin, glad to make his day! If I had to choose now, I think the finance and economic development classes might be my favorite. I am thankful that I do not have class on Friday, because that will give me a good day for getting work done, that is if I'm not at my internship or work study.

I have my first meeting with my potential internship this Friday. The organization is Cramer Hill CDC. Yeah, my heart skipped a beat when I heard CDC too! Unfortunately it's not a branch of the Centers for Disease Control, but it actually stands for Community Development Corporation. The Cramer Hill CDC "is dedicated to building a thriving, safe, family-oriented community that is economically and culturally diverse. Cramer Hill Community Development Corporation believes that development is most successful when there is continuous input from residents." Cramer Hill is a neighborhood of Camden that is North East of campus. I was matched up with this group based on my interest in community gardens and the environment. When I called and spoke with the director he told me that there were four areas that were targeted as places for me to help out. The director seems like he's gotten a lot done for Cramer Hill and I am excited to see what he has in mind. Before our meeting I need to read more of their site so I can be informed about the organization!

One great thing about my program is that I get along with all the other students. We are already talking about hanging out when we aren't in class. There is a total of nine (3 males and 6 females) of us that will be going to class together and then onto an international service after a year of classes. We have all the same classes together, but each of our classes have at least three people, if not more, from another program. I think this is a good thing because it will bring some diversity to class.

Well folks it seems like the phone is still acting sick. Looks like I will have to visit the Apple store soon. I would have posted some cool picture (I wanted to write about the endless pool and the gym here or about the house I am living in) but I just learned that restoring your iPhone means deleting all the data from last time you synced :-( Good-bye pictures. I will take new ones soon...some I won't be able to recreate (so if I sent you one feel free to send it back to me!). For now I've put a picture of my view from one of the windows in my room. It's Wednesday and the week is more than half way through, happy it's-almost-the-weekend-again!

Waiting to connect

I have always been terrible about writing and that's why blogging has always been difficult for me. I would much rather spend my time reading, who wants to read about my life anyway, why take the time to write it out? And I agonize over writing, making sure I choose the right words. Am in the correct tense? Wondering if I sound too passive.... I also want order to things, making sure I cover certain topics in the correct order that they occurred. Well, today I am saying screw that! This is all in an effort to make sure I write again, period, because according to my mental calendar I should have written at least three other entries by now and this one isn't even on the books. So, let's go!

Eight hundred and eight. That's how many miles I drove on Monday, August 23rd. According to google maps the drive should have taken me 13 hours and 26 minutes. I think I hit that somewhere in there. My destination was Camden, NJ. According to Wikipedia, Camden suffers from urban dysfunction. I like how that is put, it makes it sound more pleasant. Granted I really don't think Camden is as scary as everyone who I know from Philly makes it sound, but the city is not a bustling center of growth. There are people who do not do anything all day except sit on our front steps (well they aren't suppose to). When I feel lead, I am suppose to ask them to please find some where else to sit.

As I keep that in mind, I have moved onto other things, like combating the resident mice population. Right now there is debate on how many there are, but I am convinced that this is the last one! My project of completely cleaning and organizing the kitchen is almost done and I hope that this sends a message that mice are no longer welcome! The kitchen is just the start of what I hope becomes a whole sweep of cleaning and throwing out things in the house. It's hard when dozens and dozens of people have come and gone through those doors the past seven years.

Why did I move to Camden? The obvious reason is for school, I am sure as time unfolds there maybe other reasons that reveal themselves. Oh and school starts tomorrow. It still feels very imaginary (just like getting on a plane to HI was a month ago). I am sure it will begin to feel very real very soon... I will be attending Rutgers University and pursuing a Masters in Public Administration focusing on International Development. I will end my year of classes in the Peace Corps. So there you have it folks...the next three years of my life as far as I can see it, but for right now I am going to help water the empty lot next door. When I was here in June we planted flowers in it to make it look nicer. Then I am going to run over (yes really RUN) to my first yoga class at my new studio - Yogawood. Wish me luck and positive thoughts!